Crazy Uncle George's Blog
Note: This page will keep getting updated, but even the most recent entry is often in the archive, so if you want to link to something from a specific day, use the entry you find there.
Monday, June 16, 2008
My Debt to Hillary
I am getting no love these days. Even McUsesACane, who goes around ripping off a ton of my economic and foreign policy agenda, is having his boys go and pretend like he's got nothing to do with me and that Barack Obama, that dude from the Democrat Party, is the one who's like me. And then he goes and asks me to do some fund-raisers for him with Republicans, and it's like, "What the hell?" When I say his boys, I mean his advisers. Quite frankly, I don't care to know what his boys in the sac are going out and doing. So I was like, "Okay, well maybe this I should try this Obama guy instead," but he's not very friendly. I wanted to trade E-mail buddies with him, but he wasn't having any part of it. Apparently John Ashcroft isn't a fair trade for Scarlett Johannson. Liberals...
Now Hillary Clinton and I have tangled quite a bit, mainly over some parking spaces and whether we need Jell-O in the cafeteria. And she likes to show off her bickering as if it's some mark of honor, but I'm starting to think she might be up for a conversion to Georgism. The day that Obama got enough delegates to clinch the nomination, she held her victory speech in a bunker so she could shield the people there from the press and outside world. I think I might try to sell her the whole "free speech zone" idea. Plus, as you know, I follow the standard Republican playbook when it comes to the budget. First, I cut taxes to the rich and start huge military spending, promising GPD growth that will make the tax revenue the same. When the GPD growth never happens, I complain about bloated spending in a vague sense without picking specific programs to axe, which could cost voters.
Then I go and blame others for their massive spending, even though the only real change in spending is my military spending. It's a beautiful plan that allows me to line my pockets and then dump the problem off on the next guy. It's also taken the national debt from $5.7 trillion when I took office to $9.4 trilliion currently. That's in nominal dollars, so when you adjust for inflation it's smaller, but I like to think that inflation doesn't exist. It's just easier to make policy when you don't have to worry about something else that could cause people problems.
Now, Hillary Clinton gets this. She's got a big list of spending promises to demographic groups while trying to be very vague about where the money's going to come from. What's more is that she's managed to rack up $30 million in campaign debt, $20 million in unpaid bills to vendors and another $10 million in loans from herself. This... is awesome. Nobody's ever racked up anywhere near that much in unpaid bills to vendors during a campaign. I'm not sure what she promised the vendors to get them to supply the products without paying the bills yet, but I'm sure we're going to see some earmarks from Senator Clinton in the near future. What's even better is that she's looking for the Obama campaign donors to pay off her debt, after months of everyone telling her that sticking around well after she had no real chance to win slinging mud and spreading Muslim rumors was going to hurt Obama's general election chances and she basically kept saying that she didn't care. This... is awesome. Asking campaign donors to retroactively finance the attack ads against their own campaign? I don't know why I didn't think of that. I think I might just ask Al Qaeda in Iraq to finance the debt we took out buying guns to shoot at them.
In the meantime, I'm dealing with the picture debt, meaning the pictures on the site minus the pictures of these same girls on my computer. I'm trying to whittle it down, so I've added pictures to the galleries of Amanda Tapping, Heather Graham, Jennifer Gareis, Debra Messing, and Milla Jovovich. Jennifer and Milla now both have enough pictures for full pages. The others already had them. Now if we could only deal with the picture spending from the Dems...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Silencing Scott
So I went out and got Scott McLellan's tell-all book, and soon found out that it didn't have anything to do with NBA conspiracies, so I threw it in the fireplace along with those books on economics, foreign relations, and proper Inglish.
I suppose the fireplace thing would be more dramatic if we ever turned the thing on, but whatevs. But he'd been one of my loyal minions for so long, and now he's going and testifying about the CIA leak business, so somebody's really going to have to tell me what he did for me every day, because I just thought of him as the guy who kept Jolly Ranchers at his desk that I could bum. When Tony went and replaced him, he just had Tootsie Rolls, so I made sure that when Dana moved up to the job, it would be in the contracting that she'd have to stock some Jolly Rancher goodness of multiple varieties.
These days he's always talking about these evils of acting like we're constantly campaigning, i.e. changing policy and message as part of P.R. tactics instead of thinking about honesty and the greater good and whatever. I guess that must narrow down some of this, because with his distaste for P.R. he couldn't have had some position like press secretary.
In the meantime, it looks like Bill Clinton decided to continue the switch from me making him look good to him making me look good, thanks to some P.R. issues of his own. Todd Purdum had written in Vanity Fair about Bill Clinton's life since leaving the presidency, and his staff released a statement so "red-faced" that I had to call animal control to give them a tipoff to the location of some rabid dogs. They went about trying to pick some pointless fight by listing some lawsuits that other people had filed on unrelated issues, but not before going on a long rant about what the Clinton Foundation does, as if Bill Clinton's the only ex-president to ever do charity work and it somehow negates the existence of all unrelated events in his life. It was like having to put up with a duplicate of the South Carolina concession speech he gave for his wife, where we went on and on about his presidential library instead of relevant matters, possibly including the library's top-secret list of donors.
I have a list for you that's not top-secret, though. It's the updates at this page o' hotties. There are slight additions to the Michelle Behennah and Ashley Judd galleries, and a completely new gallery for Julianne Hough. Look for me to do a lot of quick updates of existing galleries over the next week, so I can whittle down my stack before I start throwing some new girls onto the site.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Setting the Record Straight
So as you know, we at The George's White House occasionally put out some releases that we call Setting the Record Straight to point out gross inaccuracies in the press
coverage of events that concern the White House, such as if they don't use the accurate term for our military action in Iraq, "triumphant liberation." In this case, I have to correct some deceitful editing from NBC News from my interview with Richard Engel. I was called in to talk about my "appeasement" comment about foreign policy and whether it has to do with Barack Obama. And well, you know, I said a lot in that interview, and a lot was cut, and it was, um, deceitful. But there's been one really big part that was nothing like how it really happened.
There's some part where they have me saying that I wanted Barack Obama's "sweet can," and the real version before the editing was that I wanted the "sweet candy gummy Venus de Milo." They have the unedited version on the website and it says it's there on TV, but I really don't think that people should be expected to go to the Web site just to find out that I said I wanted the sweet candy gummy instead of Barack Obama's sweet can. I don't know if it's occurred to NBC News that some of us don't have working computers or don't know how to use them. Like how I've been pressing this right Shift control for ages, and I don't see Judge Alito's approval ratings going up. I think that the distinction between MSNBC with its pundits and NBC News with its supposed reporting is starting to blur when I start to see manufactured storylines like that I want Barack Obama's sweet can. I don't even want to know what's going to happen to that quote of mine about how Sandra Day O'Connor has a fabulous racquetball court but I have to bring the balls.
I also have to apologize for Richard Engel's hair. I take responsibility for this one. I told the guy that we were starting a new reality show, "Rock Star: Duran Duran," and that he should come and compete. This is what also explains that awful part in the full interview when he starts singing about how he's hungry for Middle East diplomacy like the wolf.
So I'm sure that somebody's wondering how I have a female celebrity pictures page with almost 200 galleries that somehow manages to simultaneously lack solo galleries for Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian, Evangeline Lilly, Hayden Panettiere, Adriana Lima, Kate Hudson, Rihanna, Angelina Jolie, Vanessa Hudgens, Kate Bosworth, Gisele, and every cast member of "The Hills." Now, this is a little odd to miss so many big-name celebrities, and I thought I'd change that, so I added that hot Simpson singer... Ashlee. I've also put up some long overdue pictures in the Lindsay Lohan gallery to remind everyone that I'm not missing every big-name celebrity. The Lindsay Lohan updates are far from done, too. I haven't been doing it because it's impossible to stay organized with her shots since she was always going to the beach instead of... you know, working. And that reminds me that I should head back to the ranch for a little while, but I've got some more coming. Look for a new gallery in the next two days, once I decide on who should fill it.
