Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
102!
Well, the time has come. By now you should see Susan Ward as the most recently updated girl (she now has her own page because she has enough pics), but this will actually be in reference to my Isla Fisher update. So what's the big deal? She has 102 pictures! The previous maximum was Kate Beckinsale's 55. You see, a lot's sort of been changing with regards to the filtration system. You'll notice that I don't have that page up anymore with all the screwy Britney Spears pics where she's pregnant or grabbing K-Fed's nuts or whatever. It's because the filtration's changed.
You see, beforehand, I'd written about how I filter out all the pictures where people are wearing too much clothing, and I still do that just as much. When I say 102 pictures, I don't mean like all those stupid other celebrity sites where you get hundreds of pictures, but they're all worthless filler like shots from movie premieres that you don't want wasting your time. These are 102 bikini and lingerie pictures, or similar. And I also used to take out a bunch of similar shots, because there's no point in having 2 dozen photos that look roughly the same. Naturally, I still remove all complete doubles, i.e. when it's the exact same photo but looks different (size, cropping, text on it, etc.), and I remove most similar photos also, but I tolerate them a lot more. So I used to get a photo shoot of 30 or so and pick the 2 best. Maybe now it'll be like 4. I used to take out all the crappy shots, like where they look fat. There's slight tolerance, but I still do that the vast majority of the time. But the real difference is in the photos that are hot but not quite as hot. I don't artificially limit my photos so that I'll have 60 quality ones but put up 9. I'm going to start putting them all up.
You see, the old limits were based on a page structure we don't use anymore. The idea was that people need to find new hot girls when on the search for one, so whole letters of girls should be on the same page to encourage introductions to girls you weren't originally looking for.
So if I've got 200 pictures of one girl, albeit hot pics, this is a huge problem because it'll drown out the 1 pic for another girl who hasn't posed for more shots wearing next to nothing. But when we moved to this server, I also started doing something else: separate pages. Actually, it wasn't for ideals, but practical reasons. Tons of sites won't let you put up your link unless you have just the one girl on the page, so they sort of forced my hand. But I found a solution, offering 9 pics on the letter page and a link to a full page if you want more. So it doesn't encourage crossing over between girls as much, but you can still get the 9 best pics (because why would you ever want to look at the 15th hottest picture of a girl instead of the 3rd?) without leaving the letter page and yet there's the full page if for some reason you want more. So the thing about this is, now the limits are sort of useless unless they're for somewhere in the triple digits where loading the thumbnails becomes a pain. Because you see, unlike sites that bog you down with a lot of shitty candids, my pics are sorted by quality. So you can look at the hottest 25 if you want... just don't scroll down to the further ones.
So I'm going to keep working on my page despite my troubles. I'm apparently down to 29% approval in the polls, which isn't good because that's easily below even registered Republicans in the country. Dick was trying to make fun of me and I'm like, "Look who's talking, Mr. 18% approval! I've seen gonorrhea poll higher than you!" Seriously, Dick's always been a problem, approval-wise, always several points below me. He recently got loudly booed off the field when throwing out the opening pitch for the Nationals. Thankfully FOX News ran the story with the footage muted and mentioning shit like what Dick was wearing and completely leaving out the fact he got booed at all. We had to give them 25 blowjobs from Rummy, but that's a small price to pay.
So it looks like Congress is on its way out, too. They're at 18% approval, so we're pretty much scrapping the idea of reelection and just going for broke on what we want. I suppose it's because 97 of our Congressmen were proven to have taken bribes from one guy, but I'm like, "97 others are taking bribes from another guy! And 97 more are taking bribes from a third! So it all balances itself out!" Supposedly the Democrats are going to take the House pretty easily and have a shot at the Senate, so it's time to start passing bills while we've still got comfortable majorities in both. The deficit (that's not the debt -- this is the additional amount we borrow every year) was a little over $3.2 trillion (or as we call it in Halliburton spending, one toilet seat) so we decided that wasn't nearly enough, so we tacked on another $70 billion in tax cuts. This should mean we're up to roughly $200 billion in interest payments a year, to do nothing. That's good Republican principle. You see, being in huge debt means our primary creditor, the Communist Chinese government, will come to cut off all American thumbs, and as you know, having thumbs is a sin. So anyway, a little about my tax cut. Upper-class taxpayers should receive a tax break of roughly $55,000 a year. People with incomes of $50,000 will receive roughly $46 a year. And people with less than $30,000 will get about $2 a year. Hey, that's enough to buy 2 gallons of gas in the Clinton years, or 0.6 gallons of gas now.
We're going nuts in the executive branch, too. Apparently someone leaked the fact that the NSA's been illegally wiretapping every phone call made in the country. I don't know what the big deal is. It's like I always say, "If you don't want your calls all being monitored by Big Brother, you can move to Canada, you damned terrorist." I am somewhat trying to save my ass, though. Apparently everyone's all steamed about how I'm trying to run a fascist government and used the Bill of Rights as a coaster, so I decided to get some political advice from "The Simpsons". This Mayor Quimby character was trying to deflect concerns about this bear tax, and I don't have a bear tax, but I do have all my embezzlement, so I figured it was similar. So he says that everyone's problems are due to illegal immigrants, so I gave that a try. Damn immigrants, not being white Protestants. Everyone knows that's un-American.
Oh, I completely forgot another webpage thing. The Rankings now include this domain's data, although I think they're a few days behind. I'll update it again soon. I just remembered because I put up a few of my personal rankings, too, since I am The Decider. I don't know why everyone's getting on Rummy's case, anyway, just because we're still losing boatloads of guys in Iraq and because we've been buying enough of his last company's flu medication to make their stock price multiply by a factor of about 27 from before he got the job. Look, illegal cutbacks from former employers are just how politics work. Look, the choices for president were me and Boss Tweed, and he'd be just as bad. Wait, it wasn't Boss Tweed? Then who was I running against? Al who?
Anyway, I'm not sure if I told you this, but I forced my press secretary to resign. All he's done is spin enough to keep me in office as I destroyed the foundations of democratic government. That's not nearly enough! So we got someone new, from the standard in media quality, good archconservative FOX News. That's right, the channel that does hard-hitting exposes like how Miss Cleo the psychic had background in acting has provided my new press secretary. I'm sure I'll be at a nice comfortable 80% approval in days...