Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Saturday, December 2, 2006
Christmas Is Coming Early
Ah, I love the Christmas season, which shows the key value of Christianity, sending all your money to your big business masters. I was trying to figure out how to rack up more debt for the country, so I came up with a nice gift for all the soldiers that didn't vote for me. They're these nice shirts with fine stitching, with a big bulls-eye pattern on both sides. Dick says he can get those shipped out right away, so who says your country isn't doing anything for you?
I also got this thing for Jenna. It's a strange thing, and I'm not sure exactly why she asked for it, an entire case of this Puerto Rican stuff that's something 151. She said it's named after the 151 tribes of Israel, which is odd as I didn't think there were that many. Wasn't it the 100 tribes of Israel last year when she wanted that Russian stuff? Well, anyway, these bottles are apparently filled with prune juice, or at least that's what Barbara said when I had her try the stuff. I don't know what happened to the rest of that bottle, though, so she must have really liked that prune juice.
It doesn't matter to me, though, as it's going under the Education budget, along with all those Bibles we got to educate all the kids in the ghetto. In the meantime, the presidential expense budget got me two early presents, a Playstation 3 and a Nintendo Wii, for entertaining foreign dignitaries of course. Putin really likes to play the Tony Hawk games with me, but he never wants to play Gran Turismo because he knows I'll kick his ass... pussy. I had some interns go wait overnight for the things, but the Playstation 3 was having a midnight launch so I had that intern go spend the night before that outside the store for no reason. There are too many buttons these days, though. I had to bring in some Air Force guys to help me figure out how to work the damned things. I'd told Sony that I wanted the Playstation 3 to have just one button on the controllers, the Smite Terrorist one, but they thought it wasn't commercially feasible. So of course, I'm like, "Okay, who knows about business here? The guy who ran his silver spoon oil company into the ground or the top player in the electronics market? Obviously me..."
In the meantime, I got a little something-something done on the page. Of course, there's a new gallery up for the jewel of the "Sex and the City" girls, Kristin Davis. It's a full page now, in case you visited earlier when it didn't have enough pictures. I also updated Beth Ostrosky, Denise Richards, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kristen Bell, Nikki Ziering, and Charisma Carpenter's sections. Kristen Bell's got updated twice, but the second update was a lot less important. Still, I figured I'd mention it in case you missed it. I still have a lot of work to do, though, so I'm not sure whether to do some new galleries before I finish with these updates.
I know one person who's not getting a gallery, though, as it would really bug my friend Bob. He's getting divorced from his wife, who's the actress from that movie about that nice man from Kazaka... Kazzakh... eh, screw it, somewhere near Russia. Bob, of course, is the king of hardcore social conservatism in the music world, going as Kid Rock, although I believe he's going to change his name to Old Geezer Rock soon to match his personality. That crazy wife of his is all going around starring in movies, and not wanting us hunting liberals, and staying out past 8:00 PM... even past 9:00 PM! She has to get back at home and wear her apron like she was supposed to in the arrangement. I don't know when all this happened. Bob's like, "I thought I married a Margaret Thatcher, not some sort of Pam Anderson..." So true, so true...