Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Friday, January 26, 2007
Throwing Hillary in the Vault
So it's been a real mess today. We've been taking a lot of flack politically over this whole Iraq thing, and I'd gone and given a speech about how some of these senators are criticizing the plan about increasing the troops before it has even already worked.
It's just ridiculous, trying to stop the course of action before I've even already gone through with it, but that's the Dumbocrats for you. The public wasn't really responding, though, so we'd decided to stay up late to tackle this thing, and I really needed some caffeine but they were stalling, trying to get me to talk about the war when I was half asleep. So I was like, "Dammit, I want a Surge, and I don't want it next week... I don't want it tomorrow... I want it now!" So two of my aides go out of the room and come back ten minutes later and say that they've sent the troops to Iraq and I'm like, "What the hell are you talking about and where is my can of Surge?" Apparently they didn't know I was talking about the soda because they've got this lame excuse that Coke stopped producing the stuff like five or six years ago. They'd filled the fridge with Vault, but it just isn't the same.
But I had to go fixing everything up today and getting that stuff from yesterday turned back, and that meant that I had to be in Washington instead of at the ranch. One of the problems with this is that I went to church, and there's Hillary. Oh, man, that was awkward. I really have to switch denominations, at least to a different type of Methodist, so I don't have to deal with the possibility of running into her. Fortunately, she wasn't surrounded in her barbed wire today, which was good because that stuff can really sting. Yeah, Washington's not so cool... too many people I don't like. I'm not sure if you remember that plan of mine of switching party affiliations to Democrat so that they'd have to vote with me, but that didn't work so well. In fact, they changed the party name to the No Georges Party. And I was like, "But you have George Miller and George Butterfield!" Then they changed it to the No George W. Bushes Party. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that it was some sort of personal attack on me instead of just being a general rule about George W. Bushes.
Yeah, so I could have been smoother. I'd sort of spotted her with my peripheral vision, and was trying that thing where you pretend to look at fake spots on the wall to avoid having to talk to someone but I accidentally walked into her bodyguard and had to try some sort of conversation. So I was like, "So, I hear you're in it to win it. Funny thing, I was actually in it to lose it when I entered, but made it in by accident, so you might want to give that a try. I saw your video. It's weird, because I could have sworn I'd just put a sofa that looked just like that out on the curb last week." Apparently she didn't like that comment so much. I don't get it, because everyone loves the George charisma, and she's all acting like I slightly insulted her or something. Chicks, eh? So anyway, I added a full page for Jennifer Aniston, and added new pictures to the Lisa Dergan, Emmy Rossum, Christina Applegate, Kristen Bell, and Marcia Cross pages. Really, the Kristen Bell one is definitely minor, so I don't know if I'd even bother, but the Emmy Rossum one is a can't-miss. I think they made a whole reservoir out of my drool from that one. On the way in the future, definitely expect a Kelly Clarkson page tomorrow since I already finished the pictures and just have to write the page. Well, stay chill, America...