Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Saturday, February 23, 2008
China, I Sunk My Battleship
I've started towards some steps on my new economic plan. Well, really, I was playing a game of Battleship with China, except that instead of sinking each other's battleships, we shoot down our own spy satellites
to show that we've got so many up there that we can just blow up a few of them ourselves on a whim. But I can bill it as my economic plan, because we made a $60 million investment in our effort to shoot down this one American spy satellite. People question the move, including Jay Leno, who's billed it as my "preemptive strike on ourselves." There have also been those intrigued by how soon after we launched the missile, reception mysteriously dissipated for MSNBC and the XM version of Air America. But we're helping to grow the prosperous consumer good area of shooting down American satellites. Plus, the satellite had a full tank of gas, so whatever we can salvage will probably be worth at least $60 million with current prices.
So it looks like I'm guilty of actually reading the article, the article in question being "For McCain, Self-Confidence on Ethics Poses Its Own Risk" from the New York Times. In fact, I actually read it before knowing that there was any hoopla about it, hoopla being the technical term, of course. Although there's always hoopla about such an egregious violation of the Republican code as mine, which is even bigger than the violation I committed by using big words like egregious that hurt my thinky-doodle. We have a well-defined procedure to deal with news stories about Republicans, though, and before it goes through the translation to smaller, Republican-friendly words, it's as follows:
- Don't actually read the article, to avoid any semblance of literacy.
- Wait for something on the TV to give a three-sentence summary of the most attention-grabbing pieces, and reduce these to an overall position of someone being "for" or "against" something and accompany these with five words or less that summarize the general topic.
- Make a bunch of wild guesses about what might have been said, and contrast them with opinion polls of those who identify themselves as "conservative."
- Ignore any mentions of evidence, as well as any pesky notions about learning how to prevent leaks of actions you didn't want to get out by not performing those actions.
- Complain endlessly about the "liberal media bias" and add comments about how it has been spotted hiding in remote mountainous areas and is looking to eat people's children and poison the water supply.
And I have to say that I violated these pretty badly, which is why I know that the article was actually about McCain's unwavering faith in his own righteousness since being exposed for his involvement in the Keating corruption scandal leaving him oblivious to many decisions about conflicts of interest and the appearances of such conflicts. Developing some sort of close personal relationship with a lobbyist, sexual or not, was one of many examples including founding a non-profit association about stopping unlimited corporate political donations and having the organization themselves take those same donations, taking free rides on corporate jets and free labor from lobbyists staffing his campaign, and soliciting campaign contributions from a list of businesses that did business with the McCain-led commerce committee. And of course, the last one was pointed out by... that's right, The Dubya.
McCain seems to be doing pretty well with the code, though -- much better than I did. He's already gone off about anything about events with the lobbyist, Vicki Iseman, isn't true because while he doesn't know what was discussed on a staff level, he was oblivious to any staff concerns about ethics regarding her. Of course, he's proving their point, but he followed to procedure nicely, even adding in the quote, "Since it was in The New York Times, I don’t take it at face value." And that's why I'll tell you that John McCain is a good, solid conservative, and you should vote for him in November. Besides, if he somehow ends up running against Hillary Clinton, then you'd have to vote for someone whose reputation is bad that she's been advertising on this blog. You have to wonder what's going on when this page ripping her apart is considered a relatively favorable market. I just loaded the page today, and saw that the two ads up were from Hillary's official site's campaign contribution page and some group called Men for Hillary Clinton or something of the sort..
I know one thing that John McCain is not doing as well as I am, though, and that's updating his page of hotties, which in his case consists of Judi Dench, Gloria Stuart, and Queen Elizabeth. Meanwhile, there have been new pictures added here to the Deborah Kara Unger and Amy Yasbeck galleries, which are both big enough now for full pages. I also added to the Nicole Eggert and Shannon Elizabeth galleries, both of which were always full pages, and to the Kim Delaney gallery.