Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
I Know Your Secret
So I'd been looking back at the traffic for the past two weeks, and it was pretty damned good, except for one stretch of time, and I have to say that now... I know your secret.
It actually would have been a really good run, except for three days: April 19th, April 20th, and April 21st. In fact, this was the worst three-day stretch in a long time. How long? I'm not sure, because my current file only goes back a little over a year, and I don't feel like doing the work of going further back than that. Now, I'm not some sort of Albert Feinstein or Stephen Hawkins, but I know something about... er... um... well, I can tell when the traffic goes way down for 420 weekend.
Relax. I'm not going to narc on you to your boss. I still remember a little something from my reckless youth, youth being defined as ages 54 to 61. I won't even make you go into something about not inhaling. But I'm going to have to put something out there. Now, you're going to go off and do something, and I'm not going to say what that something is, but why don't you do it while visiting Crazy Uncle George's A to Z of Hotties? Nothing completes a certain activity like a box of Girl Scout Cookies and staring at paparazzi shots of Jessica Alba's sweet, sweet can. Let's break this down. Smoking a certain something and visiting other pages of hot celebrities: not okay.
Smoking a certain something and visiting Crazy Uncle George's A to Z of Hotties: very much okay.
In the meantime, I don't want to say what that certain something you guys are doing is, but I will say that we've started changing the ads around here so we'll have a lot more ads for Doritos, Slim Jims, and Ralph Nader. No, I don't mean his campaign, which can afford to buy maybe an ad and a half. I mean the new Ralph-eos, made of Ralph Nader and some frosting and containing no trans fat. They're guaranteed to make you ralph* (*not a guarantee). Why, we even had Dick change his sunglasses from the ones he used to have. You know, the ones that were supposed to be about naked ladies, but like most Republicans, ended up being about his hand on his own rod?
Yeah, I had to give him a little talking-to about that one. I was like, "Seriously, Dick, look at our poll ratings. The last thing we need you to do is to change the sunglasses thing from naked ladies to being about some lame-ass fishing." I tried to give him some naked ladies ones instead, and he looked at me like I was from Mars or something, so I gave them to his daughter instead. Anyhoo, I've got some updates of the Heather Graham and Alyson Hannigan galleries. I'll probably be looking to do more updates for a while, to clean out some of this old stuff I've got sitting around.