Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Monday, May 5, 2008
Bernanke Cuts the Cheese
The Dow closed at $12,969.54 today, which is over 91% of its all-time high, and I called some people in to tell me what that means, and they said that's good. I then had them tell me about that stuff I've got growing in the shower, and they said that's bad. They also wondered why I didn't have the maids clean the shower for me since I'm the president, and it's not like I have to be battling mildew.
And I told them that they may not agree with my folksy fake-Texas ways, but at least I have them. Besides, they voted for my "George scrubs the tub, rub a dub dub" resolution after I told them they'd be fired otherwise.
But I depress... wait, that was the saying, wasn't it? Well, I guess that even if it's not, then, well, it's like a saying we have in Texas. Well, it's from Mississippi, but they use it in Texas, too. They say that if you know how all the right words but don't know what's right with the Lord, then it keeps the doctor away. But with the market having a slight turnaround, I called in Ben Bernanke, or Nanky as I call him, to talk. He doesn't like that Nanky thing. He says it sounds like Nancy, so I call him it even more. So Nanky's all trying to figure out what to do and shit, because he's saying that the central bank might be done with the interest rate cuts. And I'm all trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about. I'm like, "Nanky, I don't live in Centra. I don't care whether its bank is giving out interest or football phones or whatever." But he's gotten used to the attention, and he needs something to do. He said, "With the interest rates this low, what do I cut?" And that's when I decided that Ben Bernanke should cut the cheese.
People seem to be fuddled by this policy... um, wait... people seem to be be... well, people are confused. And they're like, "George, what's with Ben Bernanke slicing the Gouda?" And I say to them that they don't have to be afraid of Ben Bernanke slicing so good, because it's for the good of the American people that he can cut a mean hunka cheddar or some Jack. Howdya like that, Jack? With Nanky all figured out, though, I think I can get back to the real business of the American people: hot pieces of celebrity ass.
No, we're not making rump roast and mixing it in with Nanky's Muenster. I hated that show, anyway. I'd rather watch some Scooby Doo, although that fish-head guy's a little scary. I thought I saw them pull his head off and he's got a human head underneath it. It's weird. Well, anyway, I've added to the galleries of Malia Jones, Amanda Swisten, Shakira, and Kate Mara. I really like that Shakira update, although it pushed her onto two pages since my scripts do that automatically, and the second one only has one picture. I'm going to have to add more pictures soon, because that's gonna drive me cocoa for Cuckoo Puffs. The Malia Jones update means that she just barely has her own page, though. Let me think for a bit about whether to add a new gallery sometime soon. I was thinking of updating some of my bigger galleries instead. Probably the first is going to be Sarah Michelle Gellar, but we'll see what my mood is... provolone?