Crazy Uncle George's Blog
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Best of 3!
Okay, so by now you've probably heard that that stinkin' Democrat Party has won. They expanded their majority in the Senate by at least six and in the House by at least twenty.
And that guy with the funny name beat McUsesACane by what will end up being either 375 electoral votes to 163, 349 to 189, or most likely, 364 to 174. And you've probably heard that McUsesACane made a very gracious concession speech, and Sarah Palin started tearing up a little from it. Well, she was either tearing up about that or all those people booing her at her own running mate's speech and chanting "Troopergate" when Grandpa John was talking about why they lost.
What you have not heard is that I, The Dubya, have declared a do-over. I know that my responsibility as commander-in-chief with no declaration of war allows me to overturn any election, American or foreign, because God Himself has sent me to bring the United States to the financial paradise we have now. So, I've decided that we're going to have a do-over, but with no John McCain. Against Barack Obama, we'll be running... that's right, the Dubya. They'd mentioned something about term limits and amendments and whatever, but I've amended those amendments with my power as commander-in-chief. Also, we're going to allow voting only from "real America," which excludes anyone who lives in cities and nearby suburbs, has a college degree, knows the contents of the Bill of Rights, or can read non-fiction longer than one 8.5 x 11 page without severe emotional distress, all of which are components of "fantasy America" which can be accessed only through the doors of a magical armoire.
So while the new guy assembles his cabinet, I'll probably assemble a little of the web page, and maybe my kitchen with some help from IKEA. Then again, I'm not sure that exposure to furniture from different cultures is pro-America. I was talking to Michele Bachmann in between rounds the other day and she was saying that I might have a future role inspecting all members of Congress for whether they were pro-America enough. I already started designing my checklist for how to define pro-America... displaying a bunch of flag things, slapping the words "God Bless America" everywhere, talking about "victory" constantly without specifying what the victory is, voting for The Dubya, and so on. In the meantime, I updated the Amanda Beard gallery. She's an American gold medal winner, so visiting that is pro-America, and not visiting it gets you added to the list.