function linkto(girlcode) {
var linkaddress=formatlink(girlcode)
var gname=girlname(girlcode)
var linktext="See "+gname+""
return linktext
}
function writedescription(girlcode) {
var dtext
switch(girlcode) {
case "aacuff":
dtext="This three-time Olympic high jumper raises the bar for spankability."
break
case "aargento":
dtext="Asia is an Italian actress/director, who's started to appear in American films playing the female lead in XXX and one of the main zombie-fighters in Land of the Dead."
break
case "abeard":
dtext="When this two-time gold medal-winning swimmer does the breaststroke, men have to stroke... er, other parts."
break
case "acobb":
dtext="You know how I love female athletes, so of course I know a ton, but none quite as hot as this foxy surfer.";
break
case "adetmer":
dtext="Amanda is probably most famous for stealing Jason Biggs away from Amanda Peet in Saving Silverman (and dropping out of almost becoming a nun to do so). But she was also Amy in Boys and Girls.";
break
case "adouglas":
dtext="Ashanti is an R&B singer known for hits like "Foolish"";
break
case "afaris":
dtext="Anna is mainly known for being the star of the entire Scary Movie set. She also played a pop star chasing Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends, Rob Schneider's best friend in The Hot Chick, and Luke Wilson's new girlfriend in My Super-Ex Girlfriend."
break
case "ahannigan":
dtext="Alyson played the main friend on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and was the female lead of the American Pie trilogy"
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case "ajudd":
dtext="Ashley's been the star of De-Lovely, Where the Heart Is, Double Jeopardy, Eye of the Beholder, Simon Birch, Kiss the Girls, Norma Jean & Marilyn, and more."
break
case "akournikova":
dtext="This retired tennis star is known more for her ability to look good in sports bras and tennis skirts than for her backhand, but does hold a pair of double's championships in the Australian Open."
break
case "alavigne":
dtext="Avril made it big with the song "Complicated" and her punk look, and then went glam and blonde as she started modeling and also to return with third album The Best Damn Thing."
break
case "americanpie":
dtext="Teen sex romp? I'm all about that, especially when it means hotties like Alyson Hannigan, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth, and Mena Suvari (left to right, in the first picture)."
break
case "aparker":
dtext="Andrea played the villain in "The Pretender" and moved on to being a frosty, overcompetitive assistant in "Less Than Perfect"."
break
case "aoday":
dtext="Aubrey is a member of the pop group Danity Kane."
break
case "aquock":
dtext="Audrey's had a strong modeling career including multiple appearances in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue."
break
case "ashanti":
dtext=linkto("adouglas")
break
case "asimpson":
dtext="Ashlee, the hotter younger sister of busty human wasteland Jessica, has managed to outlast her sis musically with songs like "Invisible"."
break
case "asmart":
dtext="Amy has played the female lead in Varsity Blues, Outside Providence, and Road Trip."
break
case "aswisten":
dtext="Besides causing guys to need to buy mops to clean up lakes of their own drool, Amanda was one of the strippers in American Wedding."
break
case "atapping":
dtext="Amanda played one of the main cast members on "Stargate SG-1" and has since moved to "Stargate: Atlantis"."
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case "awitt":
dtext="Alicia is probably best known for playing daughter Zoey on "Cybill". She was also the star of the painfully badly written slasher Urban Legend and played Sandra Bullock's replacement in Two Weeks Notice. She also had a supporting role in Mr. Holland's Opus."
break
case "ayasbeck":
dtext="If you want to remember Amy, think back... way back. Her main fame was as Casey on "Wings" (Helen's sister and Brian's girlfriend). She also was the female lead in Robin Hood: Men in Tights and Dracula: Dead and Loving It, plus she sold Jim Carrey out in The Mask. The only thing she's really done this century is play the mom on FOX sitcom "Life on a Stick"."
break
case "bburke":
dtext="Brooke used to host "Wild On..." and "Rock Star: INXS"."
break
case "bzimmermann":
dtext="Bettina is a German actress and TV host who's starred in a bunch of things most of us Americans haven't seen."
break
case "beyonce":
dtext=linkto("bknowles")
break
case "bicey":
dtext="This rather successful model is actually from Iceland. She also plays the bailiff on "Style Court"."
break
case "bknowles":
dtext="The former Destiny's Child front-woman took her act solo with songs like "Irreplaceable"."
break
case "bostrosky":
dtext="Okay, I should probably come clean. Beth's on here because I don't have a lot of O's unless you mean the type I'm always giving women behind Laura's back. Because Beth is a model and does have a fabulous body, but I'd consider her a major paper bag fuck and much more importantly, she isn't terribly famous. Supposedly, her claim to fame for is that she's Howard Stern's girlfriend, but nobody remembers who celebrities date unless that celebrity is Britney Spears or both people were already famous. So if you know her it's probably from FHM. She's been on the cover twice and took over Jenna Jameson's advice column for them."
break
case "brokedownpalace":
dtext="Kate Beckinsale and Claire Danes get framed and have to do time in a Chinese jail? Sounds great to me, except for the getting framed and Chinese jail stuff..."
break
case "bsnow":
dtext="This main character of "American Dreams" moved to the big screen with parts like the lead in John Tucker Must Die."
break
case "bspears":
dtext="Hit Britney, baby, one more time? Her white trash husband K-Fed probably will. Almost certainly the most famous woman in music, Britney seems to do it much less by her music than with provocative videos and strippings during performances."
break
case "caguilera":
dtext="Christina's one of the sexiest musicians out there, with her new album Back to Basics featuring songs like "Ain't No Other Man"."
break
case "capplegate":
dtext="The sad thing is how Christina's still probably best known as the daughter from "Married... with Children" as she got so much hotter when she struck out on her own for projects like Anchorman."
break
case "cassie":
dtext=linkto("cventura")
break
case "ccarpenter":
dtext="Charisma played the stuck-up but sexy Cordelia in "Buffy" and later in "Angel"."
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case "celectra":
dtext="Carmen has a way of being one of those people who spends so much time doing publicity that it overwhelms your memory of why she's famous, but most people know her as Jenny McCarthy's replacement on "Singled Out" or a cast member on "Baywatch"."
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case "cfisher":
dtext="I figured it was time to appease the nerds, so I put on Carrie, Princess Leia from the first three Star Wars movies. She sports a hot little body in the Return of the Jedi gold bikini scenes, but the hotness dissipated by the end of the decade for when she was the wife in The 'Burbs and Meg Ryan's best friend in When Harry Met Sally."
break
case "cflockhart":
dtext="Calista was the star of "Ally McBeal" and now appears in "Brothers and Sisters".";
break
case "cforlani":
dtext="Claire made it big by dumping Jeremy London in Mallrats. She flirted with Death (literally) in Meet Joe Black and co-starred with Freddie Prinze, Jr. in Boys and Girls. She's since been seen as Interpol agent Nicole in Jackie Chan flick The Medallion."
break
case "cinaba":
dtext= "Carrie is one of the three judges on "Dancing with the Stars" and also played Japanese twin Fook Yu in Goldmember."
break
case "clakin":
dtext= "Christine played the family tomboy on "Step by Step"."
break
case "cnielsen":
dtext= "Connie played Joaquin Phoenix's sister in Gladiator and John Cusack's romantic interest in The Ice Harvest."
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case "cortiz":
dtext="Claudette was the frontwoman for hip-hop group City High, most famous for the song "What Would You Do" from their self-titled album. She also has done some slight solo work, although not a full album as far as I know."
break
case "cquesnel":
dtext="Canadian actress Chantal is most famous for her long-running role as Yvonne on Canadian soap "Paradise Falls.""
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case "cross":
dtext="Charlotte played Detective Connie McDowell on "NYPD Blue" and much earlier, Eve on "Days of Our Lives"."
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case "ctheron":
dtext="Charlize is one of the big success stories for the neverending streak of models turning actress. She's even won a Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of a prostitute turned killer in Monster and nominated again for her portrayal of a sexually harassed mine worker in North Country."
break
case "cunderwood":
dtext=""American Idol" winner Carrie is ripping up the country charts with songs like "If He Cheats.""
break
case "cventura":
dtext="Another first-name only R&B vixen, Cassie broke onto the charts and out of her clothes with the supremely suggestive "Me & U.""
break
case "czetajones":
dtext="Catherine plays the female lead in the Zorro movies and Renee Zellweger's rival in Chicago."
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case "desperatehousewives":
dtext="ABC's hit drama owes its strength largely to the fact that it's the best collection of oldies-but-goodies I've ever seen, with Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Nicolette Sheridan, and Felicity Huffman, as well as young and sexy Eva Longoria as a bonus."
break
case "dfuentes":
dtext="Daisy built a name for herself on MTV and later co-hosted "America's Funniest Home Videos"."
break
case "dlane":
dtext="Diane has starred in Under the Tuscan Sun, Unfaithful, and Must Love Dogs."
break
case "dmessing":
dtext="This star of "Will & Grace" can turn plenty of gay men straight in real life..."
break
case "dpatrick":
dtext="This smoking hottie can smoke you on the race track, as one of the top drivers in the Indy Racing League."
break
case "drichards":
dtext="Denise is the one who was swapping spit with Neve Campbell in Wild Things. She was also the hot Bond girl in The World Is Not Enough."
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case "dunger":
dtext="Deborah played Michael Douglas's love interest in The Game, Mel Gibson's scheming wife in Payback, and Lisa Peters in The Hurricane. Lately she's been Georgianna in A Love Song for Bobby Long and Dahlia in video game turned movie Silent Hill."
break
case "durzi":
dtext="In case you haven't yet seen enough South American models to want to bludgeon yourself with a length of pipe, here's Daniela. She's an Argentinian model who's been featured in magazines such as Arena (UK), GQ (Spain), and Vogue (both Russia and UK)."
break
case "dzuniga":
dtext="Daphne was one of the cast members on "Melrose Place" and played the female lead in Spaceballs."
break
case "ecaulfield":
dtext="Emma played demon-turned-human Anya on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"."
break
case "ecuthbert":
dtext="Elisha plays Kiefer Sutherland's daughter on "24" and was the star of House of Wax."
break
case "edushku":
dtext="Eliza was the star of "Tru Calling" and played a rebellious slayer on "Buffy" as well as a tough girl turned cheerleader in Bring It On."
break
case "ehasselbeck":
dtext="Elizabeth is one of the hosts of "The View"."
break
case "elongoria":
dtext="Eva plays the promiscuous young Gabrielle on "Desperate Housewives"."
break
case "emendes":
dtext="Former model Eva plays the female lead in 2 Fast 2 Furious and Hitch."
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case "erossum":
dtext="I almost feel a little guilty putting up Emmy here as often she has a classic beauty that makes her seem to belong more in an elegant dress than in the bikinis we seek out here. But then I see her ridiculous body and stop thinking altogether. Emmy's the female lead of The Day after Tomorrow and The Phantom of the Opera, Kurt Russell's daughter in Poseidon, and Sean Penn's murdered daughter in Mystic River."
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case "evaugier":
dtext="Emmanuelle played the tough girl in the group of Jigsaw's victims in Saw II."
break
case "fyip":
dtext="Francoise played the female lead in Rumble in the Bronx and had a supporting role in Black Mask."
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case "gnolin":
dtext="I dream of Gena, although I have to admit that I've never seen her as Neely on "Baywatch" or as the title character on "Sheena.""
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case "gunion":
dtext="Gabrielle played Kirsten Dunst's rival in Bring It On and the main character's partner in the one season of ABC's "Night Stalker"."
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case "hgraham":
dtext="Heather has a long film resume, including a roller skate-clan porn star in Boogie Nights and the female lead in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me."
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case "hswank":
dtext="Hilary's an impressive actress, as her parts in Million Dollar Baby and Boys Don't Cry both won Best Actress awards from both the Oscars and Golden Globes. And she still finds time to have a tight little package, so I'm all smiles."
break
case "hukita":
dtext="Hisae's a Japanese model, and a smoking hot one at that."
break
case "hweber":
dtext="Holly's my favorite model, an American model who mainly does glamour modeling."
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case "incrowd":
dtext="A young woman played by Lori Heuring falls in with a elite clique of college students headed by the secretive and twisted character played by Susan Ward? Sounds good as long as you only read "played by Susan Ward.""
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case "ifisher":
dtext="Isla played Rachel McAdams's sister and Vince Vaughn's love interest in Wedding Crashers and was later the female lead of Hot Rod."
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case "iscorupco":
dtext="One of the hotter Bond girls, Izabella followed up GoldenEye with the role of Monique in Vertical Limit."
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case "jalba":
dtext="Jessica's almost certainly the most desired celebrity out there sexually, starring in movies such as both of the Fantastic 4 releases."
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case "janiston":
dtext="Jennifer is most famous for being one of the six cast members on "Friends" but has been able to find a nice amount of starring roles in movies like Rumor Has It...."
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case "jasner":
dtext="Jules was my favorite host of "Wild On" and did other things on E!."
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case "jellison":
dtext="Jennifer was the girl women loved to hate on British soap "Brookside"."
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case "jesposito":
dtext="You probably know Jennifer best as the star of WB dramedy "Related", Michael J. Fox's assistant on "Spin City", or the female lead of supreme piece of crap The Master of Disguise."
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case "jfox":
dtext="Jorja played Dr. Maggie Doyle on "E.R." and Guy Pearce's dead wife in Memento, but is known mainly for playing Sara Sidle on "C.S.I."."
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case "jgareis":
dtext="Jennifer is mainly known for playing Grace Turner on "The Young and the Restless"."
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case "jgarner":
dtext="Jen's the star of "Alias", 13 Going on 30, and Elektra."
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case "jhennessy":
dtext="Jill is the star of "Crossing Jordan" and used to be on "Law & Order"."
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case "jhewitt":
dtext="Jennifer is the star of the I Know What You Did Last Summer movies and lately the TV show "Ghost Whisperer".";
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case "jhough":
dtext="Julianne is the two-time champion of "Dancing with the Stars".";
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case "jjameson":
dtext="This was Thrillhouse's dumb idea, to put up photos of arguably the most famous porn star ever on a non-nude site. Jenna has her own adult entertainment company, Club Jenna, and is in both the AVN Hall of Fame and the XRCO Hall of Fame."
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case "jkrakowski":
dtext="Jane played the feisty office secretary on "Ally McBeal" and now appears on "30 Rock"."
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case "jleeves":
dtext="Before playing Niles's love interest Daphne on "Frasier", Jane showed up on "Seinfeld" as the virgin Marla who was horrified by Jerry's contest."
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case "jobradors":
dtext="Jacqueline was a detective for four seasons of "NYPD Blue"."
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case "jodell":
dtext="Jennifer donned a sexy loincloth as Veronica of "The Lost World" for a few years, and has lately been showing up on "General Hospital" as Lana James."
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case "johanssonknightley":
dtext="One's a four-time Golden Globe nominee for performances like in Lost in Translation. The other was a Golden Globe and Oscar nominee for Pride and Prejudice. What do these two have in common? Why, they're hot and nekkid, of course, which is good enough for me..."
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case "johntuckermustdie":
dtext="Brittany Snow plays the lead in this romantic comedy, going out with the title character to try to get revenge on him on behalf of Sophia Bush, Ashanti, and and Arielle Kebbel (left to right in the sixth picture, respectively, including Brittany) after they find out he's dating all three of them simultaneously."
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case "jokeefe":
dtext="Jodi was Freddie Prinze, Jr.'s ex (the one who competes against post-makeover Rachael Leigh Cook for prom queen or whatever it is) in She's All That. You also might know her as Don Johnson's daughter in "Nash Bridges". If you saw Halloween: H20, she was Josh Hartnett and Michelle Williams's friend Sarah (the important female friend, if the character's name doesn't ring a bell). She was also Ashley in Whatever It Takes, the popular girl the nerdy main character Ryan goes after."
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case "jpressly":
dtext="Jaime always seems to claim she's most recognized from super-porno B-movie Poison Ivy: The New Seduction, but I think that might just be one of those things where it always seems that everyone's seen the thing you don't want them to. She first started making it big as a supporting member of Amanda Peet sitcom "Jack & Jill", not because anyone watched the show but because it gave her an excuse to do shitloads of nearly naked publicity. She was Horatio Sanz's wife for some reason in Tomcats, she had sex with David Spade in Joe Dirt while he thought she was his sister, and she played a bitchy cheerleader in Not Another Teen Movie. She has a regular gig as Jason Lee's ex-wife on "My Name Is Earl" and stars as the Tina, the slutty American of the Dead or Alive video games, in their movie."
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case "jvonoy":
dtext="Jenna is most famous for playing the best friend Six in "Blossom"."
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case "kbeckinsale":
dtext="Kate's my choice for the hottest celebrity, as well as sexiest accent. She's the star of the Underworld series, Pearl Harbor, and more."
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case "kbell":
dtext="This star of detective show "Veronica Mars" can frisk me anyday..."
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case "kcarlson":
dtext="Kelly is of "Nip/tuck" fame, but also starred in the straight to video Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation."
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case "kclarkson":
dtext="With smash hits like "Since U Been Gone" and "Miss Independent" under her belt, this original American Idol sets a standard that it seems none of her successors can live up to."
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case "kcouric":
dtext="Formerly "The Today Show"'s foxy co-host, Katie is now the foxy CBS news anchor. Take that, Lauer!"
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case "kdavis":
dtext="Kristin is best known as the "Sex and the City" character with the uptight personality and the tight little body."
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case "kdelaney":
dtext="Kim's most noted for playing cops on both "NYPD Blue" (mainly from seasons 7 to 11) and "C.S.I. Miami" (season 1). However, she was also the star of ABC one-season drama "Philly" and did 4 years on "All My Children"."
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case "keykel":
dtext="Kristen's a former model and former VH1 VJ. She used to appear on "Real TV" and has been appearing lately as the host of Court TV's "Saturday Night Solution", that solution being to stop spending Saturday nights watching Court TV."
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case "kireland":
dtext="Now busy running her own company, this former supermodel has the most Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue appearances of any model."
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case "kknightley":
dtext="Keira plays the female lead in the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy."
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case "kkreuk":
dtext="Kristen plays Lana, one of the main characters in "Smallville" for its entire run so far."
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case "kloken":
dtext="Kristanna proved that there's nothing sexier than cybernetic organisms in T3: Rise of the Machines."
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case "kmara":
dtext="This star of Urban Legends: Bloody Mary is now the female lead in Mark Wahlberg action movie Shooter."
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case "kmcphee":
dtext="This "American Idol" runner-up gives me McPheever, which is gripping the nation with her new self-titled album."
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case "kpackard":
dtext="They don't come any foxier than Kelly, who's been smoking up the small screen since teen show "California Dreams"."
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case "kripa":
dtext="Kelly is Regis Philbin's talk show partner."
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case "ktowne":
dtext="Katharine played the main character in "M.Y.O.B.". She was also Michelle Pfeiffer's daughter in What Lies Beneath and a mind-numbingly boring chef in The Bachelor."
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case "kwiig":
dtext="Kristen is a cast member on "Saturday Night Live"."
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case "kwuhrer":
dtext="Don't say aloud that Kari looks familiar but you can't remember why because it's because she's the queen of B-movies. I don't know which of them are big as I don't know anything about the genre... I suppose if any of them were big then they wouldn't be B-movies. If you don't know her from there, though, it's probably the same way I know her, as one of the regular cast members from the last three seasons of Jerry O'Connell's old sci-fi show "Sliders". She's also had various other non B-movie parts, like as the female lead in Eight-Legged Freaks. Last year she was also turning up on "General Hospital"."
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case "lbibb":
dtext="Leslie starred in the old WB series "Popular" and is more recently played Will Ferrell's wife in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."
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case "ldergan":
dtext="Lisa's a former Playmate who has recently been hosting lots of shows like "Master of Champions"."
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case "lgraham":
dtext="Lauren's been the star or main supporting character in a barrage of one-season wonders like "Townies", but is going strong (and long) as the star of "Gilmore Girls".";
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case "llohan":
dtext="This star of Mean Girls, Herbie: Fully Loaded, and remakes of Freaky Friday and The Parent Trap has two pop albums out, too... and two too many."
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case "lphair":
dtext="Liz has released albums Exile in Guyville, Whip-Smart, whitechocolatespaceegg, Liz Phair, and Somebody's Miracle, with singles such as "Polyester Bride", "Supernova", and "Why Can't I"."
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case "lpinder":
dtext="Lucy is a British model, and frequent cover model for a selection of British men's magazines and tabloids."
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case "lquigley":
dtext="Linnea is one of the queens of the B-movie world, with many horror roles like in The Return of the Living Dead."
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case "lremini":
dtext="Leah plays the wife in CBS comedy "The King of Queens". She was also Vince Vaughn's wife in Old School."
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case "lvandervoort":
dtext="Laura played Supergirl on "Smallville"."
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case "maliajones":
dtext="Malia is big in the surfing world, but also making a name for herself as a model. With a body like that, I have no trouble seeing why."
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case "marionjones":
dtext="Marion is an Olympic track athlete who in 2000 became the first woman to win five medals at the same Olympics. This included gold in the 100 m and 200 m dashes, as well as the 4 x 400 m relay."
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case "mbehennah":
dtext="Foxy model Michelle was a regular with Victoria's Secret and appeared in three Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues."
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case "mcarey":
dtext="The best selling female musician in history, Mariah is still big with her latest release The Emancipation of Mimi with singles like "Don't Forget about Us"."
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case "mcross":
dtext="Marcia is one of the leading "Desperate Housewives" ladies."
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case "mgrace":
dtext="Evange-who? There's nobody I'd rather get "Lost" with than this castaway cutie."
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case "mjovovich":
dtext="I still think of Milla as a model as she was always really big in that world, but I suppose she's known mainly as the star of the Resident Evil movies nowadays. She was also the star of Ultraviolet, the female lead in The Fifth Element, and one of the villains in Zoolander."
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case "mkirshner":
dtext="Mia is the star of Showtime's "The L Word"."
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case "mmichele":
dtext="Formerly VH1's hot VJ from "Women First," Madison moved to reality dating show "Chains of Love.""
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case "mmonroe":
dtext="I'm sure of you must have seen shitty WB drama "Dawson's Creek" because of its collection of babes. Meredith is probably my favorite, Joshua Jackson's girlfriend Andie, but not by a ton as they were all so hot."
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case "mmoore":
dtext="Mandy is the star of chick flicks like A Walk to Remember and How to Deal."
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case "mquigley":
dtext="Usually known just as Maggie Q, she's had some notable Hong Kong roles such as starring in Naked Weapon."
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case "mquinlan":
dtext="Soap world hottie Maeve is best known for appearing on "The Bold and the Beautiful," but she also appeared in "General Hospital" before then."
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case "mquinn":
dtext="Morgan is an American model who was featured as one of the designer's models on the first season of "Project Runway.""
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case "mtheuriau":
dtext="Sorry, Ms. Couric, but I've switched the page's allegiance to your younger, hotter French counterpart, the pride and joy of French channel M6's news programming."
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case "mtomei":
dtext="Marisa's known best for her Oscar-winning performance as Joe Pesci's car expert girlfriend in My Cousin Vinny. More recently she's turned up with supporting roles in The Guru and Alfie."
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case "mtrachtenberg":
dtext="Michelle played Sarah Michelle Gellar's sister on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the girl among the four Americans in EuroTrip. She's actually on here because of Thrillhouse's thing for her. I think she looks too jailbait despite being 22 and could do the nation of Colombia's supply of cocaine with that nose, so if you don't like her, blame him."
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case "mximenes":
dtext="Mariana is a actress who has been in Brazilian TV shows such as "Chocolate com Pimenta" and "Cobras & Lagartos"."
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case "myabe":
dtext="Miho's a Japanese model, with a tiny bit of acting experience as well."
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case "mzima":
dtext="This cast member of "The Nanny" and "Californication" is the type of Zima you can taste without embarrassing yourself."
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case "neggert":
dtext="Nicole's one of my favorite "Baywatch" babes."
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case "nhiltz":
dtext="She's one of those actresses that's had parts in big movies, but so small the characters don't even have names. These past two years she's been showing up for one or two episode stints on TV shows like "Desperate Housewives". Supposedly she was to star in an upcoming TV comedy "Gay Robot" but I have no idea if that ever materialized."
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case "nimbruglia":
dtext="Can you say one-hit wonder? A former star of Australian soap "Neighbours", Natalie hit it big with "Torn" from her debut album Left of the Middle. Her follow-up album, White Lilies Island, wasn't nearly as successful."
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case "ninasky":
dtext="Identical twins Nicole (the one with the black hair) and Natalie Albino (the one with the red hair) released their first album Nina Sky with Billboard Dance Chart-topping single "Move Ya Body"."
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case "nodell":
dtext="This longstanding Access Hollywood host is an equally perennial contender to be my top celebrity, which is why it's so painfully to always have my access denied to her coochie. She also tends to do the coverage for tons of award shows due to her ability to outshine all the dressed-up actresses."
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case "notanotherteenmovie":
dtext="This was a parody of teen movies such as She's All That, Cruel Intentions, and American Pie and starred hotties including Jaime Pressly and Lacey Chabert. The two photos below, though, are of Chyler Leigh (left) and Mia Kirshner (right)."
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case "nportman":
dtext="Okay, nerds, I have your queen, the female lead of all three Star Wars prequels."
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case "nunderwood":
dtext="Nadia was one of the beauties on season 3 of "Beauty and the Geek.""
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case "nwatts":
dtext="Naomi is the star of The Ring movies and King Kong, among other films."
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case "nziering":
dtext="Nikki was part of the eye candy on "The Price Is Right" and lately played the main characters' dream girl in National Lampoon's Gold Diggers."
break
case "philton":
dtext="Her parents own the Hilton hotel chain, and she has notorious sex tapes. If you don't know who this is, you must have been cryogenically frozen for the past few years.";
break
case "pink":
dtext="This pop singer has released four albums with hits like "Don't Let Me Get Me" and "Get the Party Started"."
break
case "pvelasquez":
dtext="Patricia used to be quite big as a model, and was also the mummy's love interest in The Mummy movies."
break
case "rbilson":
dtext="Rachel was one of the cast members for all four seasons of "The OC.""
break
case "ringerman":
dtext="Italian actress and model Randi has held roles from a sultry roommate in Let's Talk about Sex to Sofia in Screw Loose."
break
case "rnichols":
dtext="Rachel was a pretty successful model but like so many others turned to acting as the female lead in Jim Carrey-less prequel Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, who comes between the two morons (does this seem like familiar territory to anyone else?). Lately she's been a regular for the final season of "Alias" as new agent Rachel Gibson, and more recently she was actually the star of the similar FOX show "The Inside"."
break
case "rray":
dtext="Rachael's probably the most familiar face on the Food Network, and unlike Bobby Flay, you don't want to beat her relentlessly with a 2 x 4 (although you probably want her to give you a good spanking)."
break
case "rzellweger":
dtext="You probably remember Renee as nutcase placenta eating wannabe Tom Cruise's wife in Jerry Maguire or maybe the granny-panty wearing title character of the Bridget Jones movies. But she's also played the lead or female lead in The Bachelor, Nurse Betty, Me, Myself & Irene, Chicago, Down with Love, and Cinderella Man."
break
case "saltice":
dtext="Summer's a former Playmate doing some small acting roles these days."
break
case "selizabeth":
dtext="Shannon played the sexy foreign exchange student in the first two American Pie movies, and more recently starred in the TV comedy "Cuts"."
break
case "sfrye":
dtext="Formerly Punky Brewster, Soleil has since developed quite nicely for exhibition on "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" and a bunch of movies you'll have never heard of.";
break
case "sgellar":
dtext="Sarah was the star of long-running WB show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", as well as the Grudge movies."
break
case "shakira":
dtext=linkto("smebarak")
break
case "skeibler":
dtext="Stacy's possibly the most famous female wrestler out there, one of the WWE Divas, which is really just a shameless T 'n A fest. That's a good thing, of course..."
break
case "smorgan":
dtext="Formerly a model (not a nude one), Stefani signed on with Vivid and now makes adult films. My personal dream girl, she's starred in pornos such as Star and Body Shots."
break
case "stwain":
dtext="Shania's increasingly pop-ified country music includes many songs you should know, such as "You're Still the One I Want", "That Don't Impress Me Much", and "Forever and for Always"."
break
case "svergara":
dtext="Colombian model-turned-actress Sofia made it big on Univision TV before going actress in America."
break
case "sward":
dtext="Susan was the star of short-lived soap "Sunset Beach"."
break
case "syoshida":
dtext="Satomi's another Japanese model, who's also appeared on many Japanese TV variety shows."
break
case "syoshino":
dtext="With movies under her belt like After Life and Maborosi, Sayaka just might be my favorite Japanese actress... but it's probably just because I can't think of any others."
break
case "syoung":
dtext="Among many other things, Sean plays the female lead in Blade Runner and No Way Out."
break
case "thatcher":
dtext="Teri is the star of "Desperate Housewives", and was formerly Lois of "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman"."
break
case "smebarak":
dtext="This Colombian hottie known almost always just by her first name is my pick for the hottest musician out there, and she's been burning up the Spanish-language charts for some time now but her two English-language albums have been on fire as well with singles like "Hips Don't Lie"."
break
case "xmeneghel":
dtext="Do you remember 1993? Because this Brazilian singer, dancer, model, and TV star with an empire of children's entertainment covering South America and parts of Spain crossed over to the U.S. for the TV show "Xuxa," but it only lasted for the one year."
break
case "tmyers":
dtext="This hottie was the star of reality show "Who's Your Daddy?" where she looked for her biological father."
break
case "tnewton":
dtext="Thandie played the female lead in Mission: Impossible 2, back when people actually wanted to see Tom Cruise movies but more badly wanted to give him a haircut. She also played the title character in Beloved."
break
case "treid":
dtext="If you didn't catch Tara in the first two American Pie movies, maybe you saw her as the female lead of Van Wilder or My Boss's Daughter."
break
case "vitaminc":
dtext="Vitamin C had two albums, with hits like "Smile" and "Graduation (Friends Forever)"."
break
case "weddingcrashers":
dtext="Crashing weddings to try to have sex with the bridesmaids? I suppose that would work better than when I used to crash bat mitzvahs... all these 13 year olds for some reason... Anyway, this section is a little silly as the female leads in the movie are Rachel McAdams and Isla Fisher, and neither of them are here. These girls are (second picture, top row, left to right) Rachel Sterling, Ivana Bozilovic, Karen Miller, (bottom row, left to right) Summer Altice, Naureen Zaim, and Camille Anderson. Don't bother trying to find them in the movie, though, as their parts are way too small."
break
case "xuxa":
dtext=linkto("xmeneghel")
break
case "zzhang":
dtext="She's one of the biggest stars in Hong Kong and played the lead in Memoirs of a Geisha."
break
default:
dtext="Um... she's hot."
}
document.write("Comments: ",dtext,"
")
relatedtext(girlcode)
}
function relatedarrays(girlcode) {
switch (girlcode) {
case "adouglas":
var relatedgirls=new Array("johntuckermustdie")
break
case "ahannigan":
var relatedgirls=new Array("americanpie")
break
case "americanpie":
var relatedgirls=new Array("ahannigan","aswisten","nziering","selizabeth","treid")
break
case "aswisten":
var relatedgirls=new Array("americanpie")
break
case "brokedownpalace":
var relatedgirls=new Array("kbeckinsale")
break
case "bsnow":
var relatedgirls=new Array("johntuckermustdie")
break
case "desperatehousewives":
var relatedgirls=new Array("elongoria","mcross","thatcher")
break
case "elongoria":
var relatedgirls=new Array("desperatehousewives")
break
case "ifisher":
var relatedgirls=new Array("weddingcrashers")
break
case "johanssonknightley":
var relatedgirls=new Array("kknightley")
break
case "johntuckermustdie":
var relatedgirls=new Array("adouglas","bsnow")
break
case "kbeckinsale":
var relatedgirls=new Array("brokedownpalace")
break
case "kknightley":
var relatedgirls=new Array("johanssonknightley")
break
case "mcross":
var relatedgirls=new Array("desperatehousewives")
break
case "mkirshner":
var relatedgirls=new Array("notanotherteenmovie")
break
case "notanotherteenmovie":
var relatedgirls=new Array("mkirshner")
break
case "nziering":
var relatedgirls=new Array("americanpie")
break
case "saltice":
var relatedgirls=new Array("weddingcrashers")
break
case "selizabeth":
var relatedgirls=new Array("americanpie")
break
case "thatcher":
var relatedgirls=new Array("desperatehousewives")
break
case "treid":
var relatedgirls=new Array("americanpie")
break
case "weddingcrashers":
var relatedgirls=new Array("ifisher","saltice")
break
default:
var relatedgirls=new Array()
}
return relatedgirls
}
function relatedtext(girlcode) {
var relatedgirls=relatedarrays(girlcode)
var numofrelatedgirls=relatedgirls.length
if (numofrelatedgirls>0) {
relatedgirls=sortcodesbylast(relatedgirls)
relatedgirlnames=arraytofirstname(relatedgirls)
var girllink
var gname
var rgcode
for (var rgnum=0;rgnum"+gname+""
relatedgirls[rgnum]=girllink
}
var rgtext=relatedgirls.join(", ")
document.write("Related Galleries: ",rgtext,"
")
}
}